I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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