if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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