I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
