last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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