when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
