i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
