Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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