"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
