Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
