I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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