I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
