Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
