But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
