id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
