there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
