Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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