I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
