I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
