She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
