Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
