They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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