When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
