shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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