and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
