It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
