I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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