I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
