Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
