Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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