Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
