I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
