Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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