How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
