she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
