I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
