Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
