Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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