What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
