i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
