I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
