Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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