I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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