I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
