I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
