we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
