My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
