I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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