I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
