get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize