The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
