every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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