Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm at about main and main street
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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