i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
