During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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