God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry my hands just texted you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
