yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
