when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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