what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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