I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
