I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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