I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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