god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
