god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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