As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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