Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
