I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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