i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
