I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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