I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
