i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
