what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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