i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Damn victory sex feels great
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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