u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
