If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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