Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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