Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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